"don't be a hard rock when you truly are a gem"

I remember being in 9th or 10th grade, in my biology class, sitting next to my best friend during high school, Trey, and telling him about the "new" cd that I had just got: The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. I remember listening to that cd over and over again in my room...singing all the lyrics.

I brought out that cd again after hearing one of the songs during my workout sessions with some friends. Since then I've been listening it to a lot. Some of the things that Lauryn Hill talks about are so true, and really applies to my life right now.

Approaching the last two weeks of this Lenten journey, I've had a bunch of mixed feelings. I'm excited by the progress that I have made in these last 6 weeks, but I also realized at my last weigh in that I couldn't possibly meet my goal of 22% body fat. I would have to lose 5% in one week, and the most I ever lost was 3.7%.. It would just be impossible and quite a miracle if the end result is that.

Each week God has taught me more and more about who I am and some of my characteristics. This week ties in with another Lauryn Hill song "That Thing". She says:

"don't be a hard rock when you truly are a gem"

I feel like this is something that I constantly have to lay down. While I am a very sensitive person, I think for the most part, and I've had a lot of people tell me this too, that I'm a pretty strong person. I can honestly say that I TOTALLY agree. I'm not trying to be cocky or arrogant, but I can definitely say that I've had a lot of disappointments in my short years of life. That's what I did a lot when I was growing up, I had many, MANY dreams....and unlucky enough a lot of them ended in disappointments. In some ways I think it's jaded me a bit because I don't find myself dreaming too much now a days. But I do believe that all of these disappointments have given me a strong backbone and a strong determination. If you say that I can't do something, I'll prove it to you that I can.

And as I see myself as a hard rock, I think I need to not take myself too seriously. I truly am a gem in Christ and I don't think I value myself as a true gem. I think most of the time I'm just focusing on trying to get through the day....and I ignore the character qualities in myself that God has purposely put there.

Another thing that I've been focusing on a lot is the power of words. What do I really mean when I'm talking with other people? Do my words accurately express what I really mean? Am I more positive or negative? I've been noticing this with my husband more too. While I know I'm not the most positive person in the world, I try to tell him--"okay let's not think negatively about this"--"positive vibes please". While I think this new meal plan during the Lenten season may have slimmed my waste line, I think it's also improved my thought patterns and how Matty and I communicate. Okay....now for the final results....eck!