it doesn't matter how you feel, it's what you do that matters

Well we are finally moved in!!! We did our final big move for hopefully a very long time last Friday. We had a big turnout of family to help us take all of our things down three flights of stairs, into the back of trucks and trailers, and down the 5.6 miles to our new home. It was a great time of fellowship with our family, and we are so thankful for their gracious help to spend the evening using strength and muscle. Although we had a successful move, and thankfully no one was hurt, my heart was full of sadness.
That afternoon I received a call from a job that I had interviewed with that I really wanted. They were calling to inform me that they had filled the position with another applicant. My face was downcast and my heart was heavy. What did I not have? That weekend was pretty rough, feelings of self-doubt and insecurity rose in my heart like rampant fire. What are we going to do?
I'm at a point now where I'm just trying to trust. One of my favorite bands at the moment is Superchic[k]. What beautiful lyrics and melodies. This band explains the heartache and brokenheartedness that you may feel in life. Their lyrics, which I think are directly inspired by Jesus, are helping me to stay afloat. The lyrics from Crawl (Carry Me Through) are below.....

How long will this take? How much can I go through?
My heart, my soul aches I don't know what to do
I bend, but don't break Somehow I'll get through
Cause I have You

And if I had to crawl Well You'd crawl too
I stumble and I fall Carry me through
The wonder of it all Is You see me through

O Lord, where are you? Do not forget me here
I cry in silence Can you not see my tears

When all have left me
And hope has disappeared
You'll find me here

Some people that know all the implications and details of our situation, I know they are trying to help, but have recommended some jobs. I've brought this before the Lord many times, but is it arrogant or boastful, or maybe even prideful to think that I would like a job that uses my college education? I definetly don't think I deserve a more qualified job, but is it wrong to not settle when you know you took extra steps and spent four years at an institution so you would be able to get a job that uses your education?

Whatever happens, I know the Lord will carry me through. If I come out of this crawling, I'll still come out of it. Another song from Superchick that I exceptionally like is [hey hey]. They sing

"But I won't sell out even if the whole world thinks I'm crazy".

I've come to realize that when you're full of such immobilizing fear, you're selling out to God. What you've professed hasn't been real, and because your situation is bad, you're a sell out by living out your fears. I won't sell out. I've noticed that when I have conversation after conversation with my family about ...what are you going to do....it makes me start to have "sell out thoughts". So I'm just choosing not to talk about it with other people besides the Lord. I know that he has a plan for me and also for my family. He'll carry us through, and he'll carry you through whatever you're going through. You can never learn about the grace of Jesus, without trials. What is the purpose of grace if everything is easy for you?