it's been some time since I last wrote....when I'm in the midst of doing my daily tasks my mind is usually consumed by a million different thoughts and ideas. Many times things hit me like a ton a bricks and I say...."I need to blog about that." But then days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and the ideas have passed. I've even begin to write it on my calendar to blog, but those days have come and gone. today's gonna be different.....
.... Matt lost his job last spring as a result of his school downsizing and since Matt only had one year seniority, he was the first to go. We hoped and prayed all summer that when fall would hit, he would be blessed to have a full time teaching job again. It's been two years since that happened. And his dream of being a full time public high school teacher has still been unfulfilled. But we're learning. We both were dreading going through the subbing motions once again. Sometimes I even think I dreaded it more than he did and he was the one doing it. The nervousness of possibly not getting called the next day can really send you into a tailspin. Will I have work tomorrow and the next day?.... ...But one thing I'm learning is to be grateful for EVERY moment...
I was taking Moey on his walk one day last week. It was a chilly fall morning. The clock had just struck 8 a.m. and Moey was stretching on our bed. He scratches his eyes a bit with his "teradactle" paws, sticks his tongue out as far as it can go as I urge him : "come on moey....time to get up sleepy head" (he actually sleeps longer than we do) I grab my shoes, sit on the tile kitchen floor why he does his yoga stretches to warm up.... I grab my red coat with my red ear warmers. I already have red pants on so I look like a big RED crayon walking down the road. Grab the pooper scooper bag, stick his head through the harness and off we go. .. It's time to walk the neighborhood!
This particular morning Moey decided to smell EVERY leaf he could possibly get to. These particular mornings can somewhat be stressful because the wind just starts to pick up when he decides to smell something and you're left catching the breeze at full force. I turned down the cul-de-sac (as we didn't have much time this morning), made him walk on the other side of the road because that one particular house has a dear older lady who likes to feed cats (which in turn leaves big piles in the yard that Moey thinks is dessert) and we make our way back the road. After eating several worms, avoiding a dead bird, and stopping for a squat we head back the way we came after we circled around. Mind you this walk was pretty frustrating. I hadn't spent my time with Jesus that morning, I was already feeling rushed, I was cold....and it seemed like a lot of things were on my plate. I was just S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D. My love for Mr. Mo just wasn't able to conquer my frustrations that morning.
On the corner of that cul-de-sac though, is a man that I've seen around town a lot since we've lived at our place. He has always been so nice and will always wave as he walks by our house to the library. He was outside raking his leaves and putting them in a big pile at the side of the road for the city workers to come pick up. He's deaf. I've known this since the first time I waved and exchanged words with him. It never made me feel differently about him. This was just part of who he was. He looked up at me, smiled at Moey and then said "Good morning! How are you doing?" To which I replied. "I'm good, How are you doing?" But by the time "I'm" came out of my mouth, he had already looked down and was continuing to rake. I felt like I just got slapped across the face. Not because of what could be assumed as him being rude from others, but because God got right in my face to say:
"What are you complaining about?"
Instantly tears sprung to my eyes.
I have NOTHING to be ungrateful for.
I have NOTHING to complain about.
I have NO IDEA the struggles that this man has had to face because he can't hear the birds sings.....the leaves crunching with each swipe of the rake...
Since that day, I've been trying to look at things from the perspective of being grateful. No longer do I say "God this really sucks that Matt doesn't have a consistent job right now" Those words have been transformed into--
God I THANK YOU that through this trial you are transforming my husband into the man that you desire him to be.
I THANK YOU that you're working in our marriage to where money isn't our focus anymore.
I THANK YOU that my husband isn't desiring a job anymore for STATUS or to buy MORE things.
God I THANK YOU for my job, even though it's challenging at times.
I THANK YOU for this very breath that I take....and may that breath be full of your spirit and not just dead air that lacks joy and gratefulness, peace and sustinance.
I THANK YOU Jesus for being patient with me....and willing to work out my own kinks....
I have NOTHING to be UNGRATEFUL for....
Gratefulness is like newly sharpened colored pencils wrapped in a bouquet...the look and smell is so wonderful you don't want to grab one and start using it cause you know you'll mess it up....
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