Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I just wanna live....

Well for those of you who know us pretty well, our lives have been kind of on the rocks these past two years, which by that statement I mean the future has been "unknown". It seems that we don't really have an idea what we're doing, where we will be in the next six months, and what we'll be doing.

Which is a little scary, well REALLY scary...but I've begun to wonder....

?!?!?!?!?!why do i make it out to be so scary?!?!?!?!?

We are in a really unique part of our lives right now that a lot of couple don't get to experience. Most couples have everything figured out even before they get married. They know exactly what they want to do with their lives, they pursue those dreams, and before they know it they're 50 wondering where their life went and how they got to the place they are at. (I might just be trying to console myself here) but how exciting is their lives?!

In these past two years, well three if you count the year we were engaged, we've been through some stuff that's been pretty difficult. Of course, we've had the normal issues of recently married couples but we've also faced alot of difficulties that most couples don't face. We've been in situations where there was no other place to look than up to our Savior Jesus. Ironically that should be the first place that we turn, but sometimes you put other things in front of Him sadly. It has increased our faith more than ever. We've had many doors shut in our face, where God just says no. It's hard to have continual hope when doors and opportunities just pass you up. We've had individuals and family say things that cause us to feel ashamed at our situation, and that ultimately that we're a dissappointment. It's caused us to compare ourselves with other couples (HUGE problem with me). It's caused us to think that we aren't thinking long term and that we are "growing up".

But I've become to feel and realize that we're just trying to find God's purpose for us. And I might just be trying to console myself again, but I don't see any other better position in this world that to be open and available for what God wants for you life. If you already have things "figured out" there are too many obsticals in your way to be truely open to God's leading. You have material items and possessions, pride in your heart, and a sense of what you should be doing instead that can hold you back from the life giving LIFE that God really wants for you.

So I've decided to not let my thought, my families thoughts, and the individuals in my life, the power to choose what I should or shouldn't be doing. (at least not for this moment--a continual struggle of the mind) I JUST WANNA LIVE...live life unaltered by the world, but controlled by GOD's plan for us.

check out the video posted above by good charlotte...this song has made me think alot about how we really should live....well sort of....but you get the point

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