Within God's Kingdom...where do I fit...?

I've always thought about my place, where I'm supposed live, and do my day to day things. Since I've been working at the design room office though, it seems that it's completely taken over my life. I am obsessed with trying to figure out my place and where I fit into this big mess. I have many hours here each week to do what I want after I get my "job" completed. With much coffee and free time I've been trying to read the entire Bible and it's so amazing, that each day God reveals specific sections that directly relate to the struggles and issues that I'm facing that day.

"There was a disciple in Damascus by the name of Ananias. The Master spoke to him in a vision, "Ananias."
"Yes, Master?" he answered.
"Get up and go over to Straight Avenue. Ask at the house of Judas for a man from Tarsus. His name is Saul. He's there praying. He has just had a dream in which he saw a man named Ananias enter the house and lay hands on him so he could see again. (for Saul was blinded at the time)
Ananias protested, "Master, you can't be serious. Everybody's talking about this man and the terrible things he's been doing, his reign of terror against your people in Jerusalem! And now he's shown up here with papers from the Chief Priest that give him license to do the same to us."
But the Master said, "Don't argue. GO! I have picked him as my personal representative to Gentiles, and kings and
Jews. And now I'm about to show him what he's in for---the hard suffering that goes with this job."
So Ananias went and found the house, placed his hands on blind Saul, and said, "Brother Saul, the Master sent me, the same Jesus you saw on your way here. He sent me so you could see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth than something like scales fell from Saul's eyes--he could see again! He got to his feet, was baptized, and sat down with them for a hearty meal." From Acts 9: various seq. verses (MSG)

I thought about this and wondered:

What if Ananias continued to protest and eventually didn't go find Saul? What would of become of Saul?
Would he of become a Christian?Would I be a Christian today? (trickle down effect through the generations)

I thought about, well maybe God would of used someone else to go to Saul so he could see and believe. But what if God didn't use someone else?! What if He's trying to use me TODAY and in my heart I'm protesting which results in someone else not knowing Christ. It's such a scary thought. I wanna be the type of person that God uses so others can see the Truth. I know God's using me now, just like He uses everyone, but secretly in my heart, I wanna be used more than just the day to day interactions. What honor it would be to be used by God to start a revolution just like the disciples of Christ....