Suttle Reminders from a Flowerbed

Sometimes I really feel like this is what my face looks like when I step out into the flowerbeds and see all those terrible weeds sprouting their little buds through the fresh damp soil. In the past I have blogged many time about the things that God has whispered into my ear as I struggle, strain, and have my eyes bulging out pulling out thistles. The learning really never stops.

Mondays have now become my day to work out in the yard. I'm trying to get a head start this year, catching the weeds growing at a manageable height so that I don't become overwhelmed and frustrated. My goal is to go out every night of the week that I have off to quickly scan the beds with a spade and bucket in hand. I'm not being unrealistic as I know I'll never completely get rid of these pesky weeds, but I have hope that I'll be able to keep them under control.

As I was pulling out these weeds Monday afternoon, while Mo was tied to the hammock bar and laying soundly asleep on the grass, the sun beating down on my neck, God started whispering again. The breeze was cool on my skin and would send slight chills up my arms as God gave suttle reminders of the effect of weeds in a persons heart.
Mark 4: 20 out of the Message states "But the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word, embrace it, and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams." What is the condition of the soil of my heart? Is it full of rocks and trash, making the seed unable to grow? Do I have thorns and burrs cluttering my heart soil so that the good seed is being chocked out?

As I was pulling up these terrible weeds I started to actually inspect the thistles themselves. Do you realize how ugly these things are? The stem is full of stickers, the leaves are full of stickers.....EVERY centimeter of these weeds are full of stickers!! These stickers were created so that animals and predators would avoid eating the nutrient rich flowers that these weeds produce. These weeds were specifically created to be enemies to every other human being.....hmmm....do I sometimes have an attitude that shoves everyone else away?

As I was pulling up the thistles on the side of the garage in between the tulips I came across one particular thistle that was so stubborn. I pulled and yanked until my eyes literally felt like they were going to bulge out like in the cartoons. Would not move an inch. I reached for the spade, pushed the soil on the top aside and started spiking that spade in the soil. Still no movement. I then grabbed the top of the thistle at the base (that was at least an inch across) pulled once again. Suddenly I heard I ripping in the soil and out came the root. I was shocked when the root surfaced. It was over a foot long. I did some research and found a section view of their root systems compared to other plants. I started to think, "Why are these plants so hideous and their roots so long?" I feel as if God gently spoke again saying quietly to me,
"the ugliness of these plants have been growing for a very long time without anyone knowing about their growth but me. By the time they sprout through the loose soil, they have been going for many days and weeks. What about you Kim, what are you harboring in your heart? What weeds have been growing and growing around your heart choking out all life that you don't think anyone sees? I see them."

Once the side of the garage was finished I moved to the side of the house with the tulips, daffodils and hyacinths. The thistles were growing in between the beautiful flowers and even some were wrapped around the amazing flowers even before they were able to bloom. As I tried to uproot these thistles, accidentaly I uproot the beautiful bulbs. God again whispered, "Some of the things Kim in your life that are good, well because you've let these thistles grow around them, the only way to get rid of them is to uproot the good as well. If only you would of caught these "thistles" when they first started to grow instead of trying to hide them from me."

Lord Jesus, I know that I have many, many things in my heart that are distracting me from living the life that you desire for me. I ask Lord that you'll take the blinders off of my eyes Lord. Help me to see clearly the "thistles" and the type of "thistles" in my heart that are preventing me from being who you desire me to be. Jesus, I know that you have great things for me, but I will never get to experience them if I live in my present state. I know that you desire for me to live a life that is blooming with beautiful flowers, not ugly thistles. Help me to live the kind of life that honors you with a clean heart.

I thought I'd add this quote from the book that I am currently reading ---- "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd. Definitely a good read with some spiritual truth hidden between the pages.

"We walked to the woods beside the pink house with her stories still pulled soft around our shoulders. I could feel them touching me in places, like an actual shawl.
"There is one thing I don't get," I said.
"What's that?"
"How come if your favorite color is blue, you painted your house so pink?"
She laughed. "That was May's doing. She was with me the day I went to the paint store to pick out the color. I had a nice tan color in mind, but May latched on to this sample called Caribbean Pink. She said it made her feel like dancing a Spanish flamenco. I though, 'Well, this is the tackiest color I've ever seen, and we'll have half the town talking about us, but if it can lift May's heart like that, I guess she ought to live inside it."
"All this time I just figured you liked pink," I said.
She laughed again. "You know, some things don't matter that much, Lily. Like the color of a house. How big is that in the overall scheme of life? But lifting a person's heart--now, that matters. The whole problem with people is--"
"they don't know what matters and what doesn't." I said, filling in her sentence and feeling proud of myself for doing so.
"I was gonna say, The problem is they know what matters, but they don't choose it. You know how hard that is, Lily? I love May, but it was still so hard to choose Caribbean Pink. The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters."

Can You Really Afford That?

I read in the Dayton Daily News a couple of days ago this article about the $1 trillion stimulus package that was just passed. If you look closely this article shows different scenarios of what a trillion dollars could really purchase. Some examples that were shocking to me were:

• A trillon seconds ago--31688 years ago Neaderthals stalked the plains of Europe.
• If you had gone into business on the day that Jesus was born and your business made a million dollars every day, it would take you until October 2737 to make a trillion dollars.
• According the U.S Treasury, the average taxpayer's adjusted gross income was $58,029 in 2006; at that rate, the taxpayer would have to work 17,232,763 years to make $1 trillion.
• A trillion dollars could give every high school student in the United States a free college education.
• One trillion miles is roughly the distance of 350 trips from Earth to Pluto

And these are just some statistics!!! It's crazy the wealth and lack of wealth that the American people have. We were once considered the richest country in the world! Wealth can be deceiving because I really feel that the American people have alot of wealth but it's not enough. They are hungry for more because they don't know the true meaning of happiness has nothing to do with material possessions or money.

After reading this article I have realized in my own life and also observing others that we are so wealthy even if by American's standards we think we aren't. I have been at fault many times complaining about our income. Complaining about the lack of material possessions. The lack of GOOD paying teaching jobs that help us to plan for our future, but we are SOOO wealthy. Really how accurate is the American standard of wealth anyway? Who are they to define what that is?

I have been trying lately not to describe and complain about our lives. I have tried to take those sentence structures completely out of my language because we are beyond blessed. Problems arise, but God has always provided a way out.

I've been at fault for saying this but I've also observed alot of other around me saying this as well. We say things like, "I really wish we could do this but we just don't have that kind of money" when we're driving around in an almost brand new car, if not a brand new car, one that looks amazing compaired to a junker that hardly runs. We also say things like "when we get into this kind of money we can do this...." but we have cable tv at home that cost anywhere for $60-$150 a month. We say things like "I wish I could get a new phone but it's just not in the budget" but yet we have an amazing phone compared to the people that don't have any type of communication to begin with. We say things like "I can't afford this or this" but we have a huge 42" tv at home that is the focal point of our living room. (which to me says that is the focal point of your life while you're at home, why else would you have a need for a tv that big). I've even caught myself saying..."if only we would of purchased a bigger, nicer, cuter house!!!" How obsurd and selfish can I be!?!?!?

It's really rather ridiculous. All the wealth that we have, that we turn a blind eye to, and yet we still want more. How much more do we want God to bless us? Can you really afford to live life absent minded, wanting only more?

Be Careful What You Wish For

WARNING: I'm going to be completely honest in this blog. I'm probably going to have a lot of devoted moms (which believe me I believe if you are a mom, you should be completely devoted to your children) upset and angry at me, but I've been rolling around some thoughts in my head for over a year and I just need to blog about them. I may have completely different views from you and you can call me whatever you wish, but these are just how I see things from my perspective at this time in my life.

So lately, (and don't make fun of me for this) I've been listening to The Pussycat Dolls album that has "When I Grow Up" as one of it's tracks. For some reason I really like this song and many others on the disc. One of the phrases in the lyrics say:

"Be Careful What You Wish For, CAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT".

This statement is so true. You do have to be careful what you pray for and what you wish for. What you desire is where your heart is, no matter what the outcome is and how differently it may be once you get it.

Matthew and I prayed for a VERY long time to be home owners. We tried to have very good money practices and tried to save every penny we could on our measly incomes to save up for a down payment on a house. When the time came that we could put a sizable amount down, we started looking for homes, all the while praying for God to allow this to happen if it was his will. As some of you may know, after we purchased our home, I lost my job just one short month later. ONE MONTH. We were suddenly pushed into a situation that was very hard, scary and sent us into fearing if we would be able to make it. This was just something we didn't see in our future and weren't planning on.

I was talking to my sister about the struggles and as the conversation went on and on, the conversation went from telling her our struggle to me complaining about our hardships and how I was very unhappy. She cut me off very quickly and say "Well Kim, this is what you prayed for for three years. You had a BIG desire to own your own home. God gave you this desire of your heart. Now stop complaining about it. You asked for a home and this is just the outcome that has happened. God has put you in this position to trust him, obey him, and love him anyway even though it is tough right now. God gave you the home you wanted." My response at the time was "Well I didn't want the home if it was going to be this hard." I was blind-sighted by the comment, pretty irritated at my sister, but it was the truth. This is what we desired. The home was what we wanted, even though the circumstances following were not what we had though they would be.

This leads me to the mom part. This past year I have observed so many moms complain about the situation that they are in now that they have children. I've heard moms say that they never have time for themselves, they don't get much sleep, and that everything is just so hard. I have such a hard time biting my tongue and asking "Well what did you expect by having a child? This is what comes with the territory" I've heard so many moms use their children as excuses to get out of responsibilities and go home early (such as, well Timmy needs to go home now or Timmy prevents us from doing this now). I've heard moms say that because they don't have as much time now they can't even iron shirts for their husband (which why can't the husband iron their own shirt???)

I've also noticed something else that really bothers me-----It seems that once some individuals become mothers it's as if they forget who THEY are as a person. Everything revolves around their children. You can't have a normal conversation without the mom telling all about what there child has done. Now I love hearing stories about their kids, but the ENTIRE conversation? It's as if they have nothing else to talk about. It's as if their existence has completely disappeared.

Matt and I are all for having children. We want to be truly devoted parents when we decide to have children and when the time is right. But I've observed so many families completely change, sometimes not for the best, that it almost makes me NOT want to start a family. I've seen so many women turn into other women once their children come along that I don't want to be that type of woman. It makes me not want to have kids because I want to still carry on normal conversation with other humans, I want to still be ME--just with an added dimension of myself. It's just frustrating witnessing this. Sometimes I wonder if other moms realize that what they say makes others fearful of having children because of how much they talk "down" about their new responsibilites?

This is the one thing that Matt and I decided when we adopted Mo. I know a dog is completely different from a child, but we're easing our way into responsibility and the added responsibility that comes with a child. We said that we would never use MO as an excuse for anything or use him as an excuse to go home early/not take on things. It's not fair to him. We decide to make the decision to adopt him and by placing blame or using him as an excuse isn't honoring to him in any way and it only makes us look bad.

I'm sure I'm going to get some nasty comments about this post, but I just needed to write my "diary" entry for this. It's only my opinion and you can definitely disagree. Does anyone else feel the way we do?

EXCITED MO!

Here is our little puppy Mo! I thought I would post some videos for all of you to see his transition into his new home. He is definitely warming up to us and he gets very excited when we come home from work! ENJOY!!

Walks, Dogs, Invisible Forces?

As some of you may already know, we adopted an awesome dog named Mo last month. He is a beagle, about 8-9 years old and was from a shelter. He is basically a dog that no one loved except his foster mother. We think that in his past years he was heavily abused. He was very timid, shy and cautious. .......... . but now he is fully alive. He has the greatest personality and it has been very interesting to see him transform from the shy pup to the outgoing and loving beagle that he is.
We had a wonderful Christmas break with our family and also with Mo. He was very cautious when we brought him to our different families, but he eventually warmed up to everyone including my sisters pup named Sammy. Overall Christmas break was a time of relaxation, reflection and enjoying the season of the Saviors birth.
But something that also happened over break and is continuing to happen on our walks has been very puzzling and has made me contemplate many things. I am fully aware of spiritual warfare and I firmly believe that there are many things occuring around us in the spiritual realm more than we'd like to think about.
Mo and us take the same walk everyday, every morning and every night. There is one particular house on our walk that has me puzzled. As we approach this house and the empty lot beside it, Mo gets this look of terror and panic on his face. Since he was abused, we can easily tell when he is scared because his tail goes between his legs and he gets very low to the ground. Every stinkin walk he does this as we approach this empty lot and house. Just a couple of days ago he even sat down on the freezing, snow covered sidewalk because he was so scared. The only thing we can do is pick him us, hold him really close and whisper to him that everything is okay as we walk very quickly past the lot and empty house. After the house is out of sight we are on our merry way as if nothing happened.
What is going on? I've thought about many different options but I have only come to one conclusion. I think dogs can sense and see things that are going on that we just can't see. Is there a spiritual battle happening in that empty lot? Are the people that live in that creepy home filled with Satan? Is Satan trying to fill these people?
Yesterday on our walk when he again looked terrified I mustered up all of my faith, spoke in a deep forceful voice (I guess this is how I think you should talk when you're talking to spirits I guess...) "Leave him alone!" Instantly Mo got up and started walking. This morning on our walk, he wasn't even phased by this house. Did what I say really make a difference???
Regardless of what is actually happening this is making me realize how desperately I need to begin praying for my neighbors, the neighbors down from them and my entire neighborhood. It's also made me realize that our pets probably need to be given more credit than we realize.
One of my favorite quotes in "Prince Caspian" is below. It's during the scene when the bear is running after Lucy to eat her and then the dwarf Trumpkin spears the bear and responds to Lucy.

Susan Pevensie: Why wouldn't he stop?
Trumpkin: I suspect he was hungry.
Lucy Pevensie: Thanks.
Edmund Pevensie: He was wild.
Peter Pevensie: I don't think he could talk at all.
Trumpkin: You get treated like a dumb animal long enough, that's what you become. You may find Narnia a more savage place than you remember.