With the last weigh in approaching, I knew that I wasn't going to reach my goal of 22% body fat. In order to do so, I would have had to lose 5% in one week, and the most I had ever lost in one week was 3.8%. I mentally prepared myself so I wouldn't feel disappointed.But ironically enough, after that last weigh in I felt so disappointed in myself. I lost 1.5% body fat--closing out my weeks of Lent at 25.5% a total of 12% in 6 weeks! I felt like I had the Biggest Loser syndrome. I was so focused on losing, that I couldn't even be happy for the huge accomplishments that I had made.
I walked back across the parking lot to an empty office. All my other coworkers were out on mission and I sat in the silence of my office mentally beating myself up. I said over an over to myself, "you could of done better Kim, you could of done better--you've failed at this just like you've failed at everything else in your life--come on look at yourself!!" This lasted about an hour and then as I was praying silently while trying to accomplish my work tasks, I felt as if the Holy Spirit jolted me awake. In my head I heard the phrase--"Kim this is the devil trying to tear down your goals and your successes. You succeeded for me--your God."
Instantly my mood changed. I did do a good job. I showed myself that I had determination and could go the distance in perseverance and will power.
Since Lent has been over I've had other challenges that I've had to rise above. I've had people tell me "that I've fallen off the wagon" or "I shouldn't be eating this or that" (when they made fun of me for doing Paleo in the first place and now are doing it after they've seen results in myself and others.) But the thing that they don't understand is I did it for God. I didn't do it for weight loss, or for myself===I did it for my Jesus. I gave up something so dear to me--the ability to chose what I want to eat and follow those desires at my own will--in exchange for a deeper passion and desire to know God as he would supply all of my needs. So "I haven't fallen off the wagon". If anything I've stayed on knowing that I fulfilled my commitment and have succeeded in accomplishing the goals that Christ has set before me.
