I'll start this blog off by first saying that the true nature of my postings come from my life experiences, things that I've been rolling around in my head, and things I've pondered on lately and throughout my life. I've been thinking about something for the last couple of weeks, because I've had many situations in many different locations on this exact topic. It's made me questions the things that I say and the way that things are taken by others.

I've had two things said to me repeatedly throughout my life by many different people that are in my realm of influence. One being "You're too sensitive, lighten up!" and the other being "You need to grow thicker skin." These two comments have bothered me to the core of my being my entire life. I've been spending the last two weeks coming before the Lord each and every day asking him to guide my thoughts and feelings. I truely believe that he knows my deep thoughts, that he cares for them, and that if I only ask, he will sort those feelings out in my heart and make my head understand them.

I've always been very offended by "you're too sensitive". I feel like it takes a very courageous but obnoxious person to say that to another individual. I'm sensitive because that is the way that GOD MADE ME. In previous blogs I've spoke about this very issue because it courses through my life continually. I feel that our society doesn't appreciate sensitivity in others because it causes them to realize their lack of it and also it inconvientes them because they have to think of someone else. Why is being sensitive such a bad thing....it's way better that being callous.

I've also been offended when individuals have told me that I need to grow thicker skin. When I look at this statement, I feel like there is a lot of secular thinking involved. It involves having the characteristic of being sensitive and not being callous to the world around you. It makes me questions "why should I grow thicker skin just so you can have the joy of putting someone else down?" What is the benefit of having thicker skin?....so we can joke around in a way that isn't honoring to Jesus?

As Matt and I were driving down to the Jeffersonville Outlet Mall last Saturday afternoon I spent some much needed time in the car thinking about my past week at work, and my interacts that week with specific people outside of work. I love the people I work with, but sometimes it's just difficult being a woman in a workplace surrounded by men. Sometimes you have some serious personality differences. But as we were driving down I turned to Matt and asked him my hypothetical question of the day: "Do you think Jesus joked around with his friends?" I think it stunned Matt for a moment and then he said "no". I asked him why he thought that and he replied "When you're joking with someone about something they've done, it never raises them up and edifies them. It's usually a put down to make the person telling the joke be elevated while the other shrinks." How true.

I looked up "joke" in the dictionary and this is what one of the meanings said:
something that is amusing or ridiculous, esp. because of being ludicrously inadequate or a sham; a thing, situation, or person laughed at rather than taken seriously; farce

I don't mean to be a downer in the blog, but I've definitely examined my own life and continue to do so each day to check my heart and the words that flow from it. I've come to the conclusion that there are two types of jokes. One type of joke looks at a situation and sees the humor or ridiculous elements in that situation and makes a laugh from it. It's not aimed at a person, but the situation that the person finds themselves in or has purposely put themselves in. The other type of joke is aimed at a person and the character they possess. This is where I believe a joke isn't just a joke anymore. Joking in it's truest essence isn't bad, or wrong, or a sin. But it becomes a sin when it's aimed at another person and their character.

In my quiet times I've prayed intensly for some clarity because many times when I approach the throne of grace I feel so inferior I feel that it is seeping from my pores. I want to know if there are any offenses in my life when God looks at me. He has brought to my attention some verses.

Matthew 12:37
Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can
be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation."

Matthew 15:17
But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the
heart. It's from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments,
murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing.
That's what pollutes.

I've been memorizing these verses because I feel they are so important for where I work, where I spend my evenings, how I treat my husband and how I interact with others. Out of the heart is where your words flow. So sometimes in situations where I'm being made fun of about who I am and not just the situation I'm in, that's when it stops being a joke anymore. It's out of your heart. It's not something that I just need to grow thicker skin over, or I need to stop being so sensitive. It becomes an issue where we all need to check our heart because it's SIN, not just some lighthearted joke.

This week I've had some major guilt and conviction in my heart for the way that I have treated others by the words that I've said. I'm sorry to those of you that I've said cruel and hurtful things to. Forgive me and Forgive me Jesus!